A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint
when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says,
"Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"
The koala says:
"Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and
they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his
mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But
the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and
falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard:
"What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned
and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into
the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting
finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much
water did you drink?!!"
A fleeing Taliban, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked, "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water!"
"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant.
Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!"
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared.
Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting at his table.
The Jew said, "I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not
find it?"
"I found it all right," rasped the Arab. "Your brother won't let me in without a tie!"
For the last departmental picnic, management decided that, due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.
I was fired for ordering the cups.
Nursery Rhymes - for Big Kids
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard .
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse
full of money. She wanted to open a savings
account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank
because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always
right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's
office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She
placed her purse on his desk and replied,
"$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to
save so much money. The elderly woman
replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are
square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said,
"Would you like to take my bet?"
"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 tha t my
testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved,
if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning
with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over
again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no
way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the
president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the
president. "Given the amount of money involved, you
should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the
president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against
the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that
and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around
10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
Caller ID
On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone.
The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.
The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night.
The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.
The man said, "That's, OK. Let me tell you my story.
You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"
The reason why it showed on the man's c aller ID that the call came from "Almighty God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!
If you believe that God answers prayers then pass this on. God bless!
READ EACH SENTENCE SLOWLY AND THINK ABOUT IT.
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!
And send it back to the person who sent it to you if they mean something to you!! Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.
20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity:
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With
Sunglasses on and point Hair Dryer at Passing Cars.
See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise
Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask
If They Want Fries with That.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It
"In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once
everyone has gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions,
Switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For
Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With
the Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat
with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go to a Poetry Recital and Ask Why the Poems
Don't Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting around Your Work Area and
Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't
Attend Their Party Because you're not in the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You by Your
Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!,
I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the
Parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're
Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To the
Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And the Final Way to Keep A Healthy Level Of
Insanity....... Send This E-mail To Someone To Make
Them Smile. Its Called therapy.
Talk isn't cheap. People cheapen talk
Interesting website to view:
http://www.bestwebatlanta.com/humor/humor_dui_stop_of_champion_dancer.shtml
http://www.abolishthenword.com/
http://www.milaadesign.com/wizardy.html
FINALLY A PIECE OF SPAM WORTH SHARING : ) No charge for directory. Phone companies are charging us $1.00 or more for 411 / information calls when they don't have to. When you need to use the 411 / information option! Simply dial 1-800-FREE-411 or 1 800 373 3411 Without incurring a charge. This is information people don't mind receiving Pass it on. Works on home phones and cell phones.
Deck of Cards
It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for
some reason hadn't been heard.
The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week.
As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.
Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?"
The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord."
The sergeant said, "Looks to me like you're going to play cards."
The soldier said, "No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country,
I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards."
The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"
"You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.
The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.
The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The Five is for the five virgins there were ten but only five of them were glorified.
The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.
The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.
The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives -- the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.
The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.
The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.
The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.
The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.
The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.
When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.
There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year.
The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
Each suit has thirteen cards -- there are exactly thirteen weeks in a qu arter.
So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."
The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"
Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting.
Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN .
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas, the Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY?
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer and be a lot happier!
This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in South
Carolina, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's
real.
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a real dark night
in
the middle of a thunder storm.
Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he
could
hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he
saw a car moving slowly approaching and appearing ghostlike in the
rain.
It slowly crept toward him and stopped.
Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door,
Only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the
wheel. The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too
scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car
was
slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he
started
to
pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off
the
road and in the marsh and he would surely drown, when just before the
curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and turned the
steering
wheel,
guiding the car safely around the bend.
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they
reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he
could
take and jumped out of the car and ran to town. Wet and in shock, he
went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey,
then
told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped
and
everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the
truth and not just some drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to
The other: "Look Bubba, there's that idiot who rode in our car when we
were
pushing it in the rain."
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know
you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me,
I'll send you to the electric chair."
THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL USE OF THE ALPHABET
A lthough things are not perfect; B ecause of trials or pain; C ontinue in thanksgiving; D o not begin to blame; E ven when the times are hard; F ierce winds are bound to blow; G od is forever able; H old on to what you know; I magine life without His love; J oy would cease to be; K eep thanking Him for all the things; L ove imparts to thee; M ove out of "Camp Complaining"; N o weapon that is known; O n earth can yield the power; P raise can do alone; Q uit looking at the future; R edeem the time at hand; S tart every day with worship; T o "thank" is a command; U ntil we see Him coming; V ictorious in the sky; W e'll run the race with gratitude; E X alting God most high; Y es, there'll be good times & yes some will be bad, but... Z ion waits in glory...where no one is ever sad!
"I AM too blessed to be stressed!" The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. God's Love and peace be with you forever,
GOD LOVES YOU ... 
Black Wall Street : The True Story
Brief History. If anyone truly believes that the last April attack on the federal Building in Oklahoma City , Oklahoma was the most tragic bombing ever to take Place on United States soil, as the media has been widely reporting, they're Wrong -- plain and simple. That's because an even deadlier bomb occurred in that same state nearly 75 years ago. Many people in high places would like to Forget that it ever happened. Searching under the heading of "riots," " Oklahoma " and " Tulsa " in Current editions of the World Book Encyclopedia, there is conspicuously no Mention whatsoever of the Tulsa race riot of 1921, and this omission is by no means a surprise, or a rare case. The fact is, one would also be hard-pressed to find documentation of the incident, let alone and accurate accounting of it, in any other "scholarly" reference or American history book. That's precisely the point that noted author, publisher and orator Ron Wallace, a Tulsa native, sought to make nearly five years ago when he began researching this riot, one of the worst incidents of violence ever visited upon people of African descent. Ultimately joined on the project by colleague Jay Wilson of Los Angeles , the duo found and compiled indisputable evidence of What they now describe as "a Black holocaust in America ." The date was June 1, 1921, when " Black Wall Street ," the name Fittingly given to one of the most affluent all-Black communities in America , was Bombed from the air and burned to the ground by mobs of envious whites. In a Period spanning fewer than 12 hours, a once thriving 36-Black business district in northern Tulsa lay smoldering--a model community destroyed, and a major African-American economic movement resoundingly defused. The night's carnage left some 3,000 African Americans dead, and over 600 successful businesses lost. Among these were 21 churches, 21 restaurants, 30 grocery stores and two movie theaters, plus a hospital, a bank, a post office, libraries, schools, law offices, a half dozen private airplanes and even a bus system. As could have been expected the impetus behind it all was the infamous Ku Klux Klan, working in consort with ranking city officials, and many other sympathizers. In their self-published book, Black Wall Street : A Lost Dream, and Its companion video documentary, Black Wall Street: A Black Holocaust in America ! The authors have chronicled for the very first time in the words of Area historians and elderly survivors what really happened there on that fateful summer day in 1921 and why it happened. Wallace similarly explained to me why this bloody event from the turn of the century seems to have had a recurring effect that is being felt in predominately Black neighborhoods even to this day. The best description of Black Wall Street, or Little Africa as it was also known, would be liken it to a mini-Beverly Hills. It was the golden door of the Black community during the early 1900s, and it proved that African Americans had successful infrastructure. That's what Black Wall Street was all about. The dollar circulated 36 to 100 times, sometimes taking a year for currency to leave the community. Now in 1995, a dollar leaves the Black community in 15-minutes. As far as resources, there were Ph.D.'s residing in little Africa , Black attorneys and doctors. One doctor was Dr. Berry who owned the bus system. His average income was $500 a day, a hefty pocket change in 1910. During that era, physicians owned medical schools. There were also Pawn shops everywhere, brothels, jewelry stores, 21 churches, 21 restaurants and two movie theaters. It was a time when the entire state of Oklahoma had only two airports, yet six Blacks owned their own planes. It was a very fascinating community. The area encompassed over 600 businesses and 36 square blocks with a population of 15,000 African Americans. And when the lower-economic Europeans looked over and saw what the Black community created, many of them were jealous. When the average student went to school on Black Wall Street, he wore a suit and tie because of the morals and respect they were taught at a young age. The mainstay of the community was to educate every child. Nepotism was the one word they believed in. And that's what we need to get back to in 1995. The main thoroughfare was Greenwood Avenue , and it was intersected by Archer and Pine Streets. From the first letters in each of those three names, you get G.A.P., and that's where the renowned R and B music group the Gap Band got its name. They're from Tulsa . Black Wall Street was a prime example of the typical Black community In America that did businesses, but it was in an unusual location. You see, at the time, Oklahoma was set aside to be a Black and Indian state. There were over 28 Black townships there. One third of the people who traveled in the terrifying "Trail of Tears" along side the Indians between 1830 to 1842 were Black people. The citizens of this proposed Indian and Black state chose a Black governor, a treasurer from Kansas named McDade. But the Ku Klux Klan said that if he assumed office that they would kill him within 48 hours. A lot of Blacks owned farmland, and many of them had gone into the oil business. The Community was so tight and wealthy because they traded dollars hand-to-hand, and Because they were dependent upon one another as a result of the Jim Crow laws. It was not unusual that if a resident's home accidentally burned down, it could be rebuilt within a few weeks by neighbors. This was the type of scenario that was going on day- to-day on Black Wall Street. When Blacks intermarried into the Indian culture, some of them received their promised '40 acres and a mule' and with that came whatever oil was later found on the properties. Just to show you how wealthy a lot of Black people were, there was a banker in the neighboring town who had a wife named California Taylor. Her father owned the largest cotton gin west of the Mississippi [River]. When California shopped, she would take a cruise to Paris every three months to have her clothes made. There was also a man named Mason in nearby Wagner County who had the largest potato farm west of the Mississippi . When he harvested, he would fill 100 boxcars a day. Another brother no t far away had the same thing with a spinach farm. The typical family then was five children or more, though the typical farm family would have 10 kids or more who made up the nucleus of the labor. On Black Wall Street, a lot of global business was conducted. The community flourished from the early 1900s until June 1, 1921. That's when the largest massacre of non-military Americans in the history of this country took place, and it was lead by the Ku Klux Klan. Imagine walking out of your front door and seeing 1,500 homes being burned. It must have been amazing. Survivors we interviewed think that the whole thing was planned Because during the time that all of this was going on, white families with Their children stood around the borders of their community and watched the massacre, the looting and everything--much in the same manner they would watch a lynching. TULSA BURNING
Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
New Poisonous Spider in the U.S.A
spider bite...please read...........
And you thought the brown recluse was bad!!!
Three women in North Florida , turned up at hospitals over a 5-day period,
all with the same symptoms. Fever, chills, and vomiting, followed by
muscular collapse, paralysis, and finally, death.
There were no outward signs of trauma.
Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood.
These women did not know each other, and seemed to have
nothing in common.
It was discovered, however, that they had all visited the same Restaurant
(Olive Garden) within days of their deaths. The health department
descended on the restaurant, shutting it down. The food, water, and
air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.
The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed
to the hospital with similar symptoms. She told doctors that she had
been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check.
She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had used the restroom.
That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read,
drove out to the restaurant, went into the restroom, and lifted the toilet seat.
Under the seat, out of normal view, was a small spider.
The spider was captured and brought back to the lab, where it was determined
to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because
of its reddened flesh color. This spider's venom is extremely toxic,
but can take several days to take effect. They live in cold, dark, damp
climates, and toilet rims provide just the right atmosphere.
Several days later a lawyer from Jacksonville showed up at a hospital
emergency room. Before his death, he told the doctor, that he had been
away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia , changing planes in
Singapore , before returning home. He did not visit (Olive Garden),
while there. He did, as did all of the other victims, have what was determined
to be a puncture wound, on his right buttock.
Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India .
The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of
the toilets of all flights from India , and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia
(Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on 4 different planes!
It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the country.
So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders.
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you hea rt healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
*****
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