A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and
everyone inside dies. When they get to meet their maker, because of
the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish
each before they enter Heaven.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is.
"I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous
too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when
God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts
laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor,
laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be.
The guy eventually calms down and says:
"Make 'em all ugly again."
So, the next time you are last in line?... smile!
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.
Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost
in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when
to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't
always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than
you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing
regulations were set in place. - Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash
after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened
his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student
became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their
victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a
steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded
a huge financial settlement!
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife,
Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived
by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
First, the Lord made man...
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing.'"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth.
Ruined the whole damn thing.
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
What do you get in the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I
think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way.
You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day. You get
kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when
you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40
years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink like a fish, party your ass off,
and screw anything that
moves - you've only got a few years left, so why not?!?
Then you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you
become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a
baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with
luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger
quarters everyday, and then you finish off as an orgasm!
Better to be safe than sorry. I think we should take the antidote...just in case! :) -Ashley
There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you
receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any
means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life
completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two
good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as
Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Take the antidote repeatedly
until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should give this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends,
you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that
Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may
require a more generous application.
HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK
· When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone
and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her"...You need to pray
at work.
· When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and you
think, "what the f*&% do they want now?"..... You need to pray at work.
· When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one
of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at work.
· When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes
in and says, "well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him......
You need to pray at work.
· When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your
mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath
your desk......... You need to pray at work.
· When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first
thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!".... You need
to pray at work.
· When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork
sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a##
M#$^%F%&#s"........ You need to pray at work.
· If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening
someone's tires that you work with...... You need to pray at work.
· If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because
you know it's going to lead to their life story ......You need to pray at work.
· If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray at
work!
LET US ALL BOW OUR HEADS
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are
great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant
with my child. So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses
a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry
and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's
edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent
creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it
were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang,bang'. Miraculously, two shots
rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple
of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly".
A WOMAN' S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set
in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured
this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury,
isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this,
Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word ...
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day ...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything
to men ...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so
beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should
do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight
...
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
* * * * *
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
LIFE WITHOUT BLACK PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A very humorous and revealing story is told about a group of white
people who were fed up with African Americans, so they joined together and wished
themselves away. They passed through a deep dark tunnel and emerged in sort of
a twilight zone where there is an America without black people. At first these
white people breathed a sigh of relief. At last, they said, "No more crime, drugs,
violence and welfare. All of the blacks have gone!" Then suddenly, reality set
in. The "NEW AMERICA" is not America at all? only a barren land.
1. There are very few crops that have flourished because the nation
was built on a slave-supported system.
2. There are no cities with tall skyscrapers because Alexander Mils, a black
man, invented the elevator, and without it, one finds great
difficulty reaching higher floors.
3. There are few if any cars because Richard Spikes, a black man,
invented the automatic gearshift, Joseph Gambol, also black, invented the Super
Charge System for Internal Combustion Engines, and Garrett A. Morgan, a black
man, invented the traffic signals.
4. Furthermore, one could not use the rapid transit system because
its precursor was the electric trolley, which was invented by another black
man, Albert R. Robinson.
5. Even if there were streets on which cars and a rapid transit
system could operate, they were cluttered with paper because an African American,
Charles Brooks, invented the street sweeper.
6. There were few if any newspapers, magazines and books because
John Love invented the pencil sharpener, William Purveys invented the fountain
pen, and Lee Barrage invented the Type Writing Machine and W. A. Love invented
the Advanced Printing Press. They were all, you guessed it, Black.
7. Even if Americans could write their letters, articles and books,
they would not have been transported by mail because William Barry
invented the Postmarking and Canceling Machine, William Purveys invented the
Hand Stamp and Philip Downing invented the Letter Drop.
8. The lawns were brown and wilted because Joseph Smith invented
the Lawn Sprinkler and John Burr the Lawn Mower.
9. When they entered their homes, they found them to be poorly
ventilated and poorly heated. You see, Frederick Jones invented the Air Conditioner
and Alice Parker the Heating Furnace. Their homes were also dim. But of course,
Lewis Latimer invented the Electric Lamp, Michael Harvey invented the lantern
and Granville T. Woods invented the Automatic Cut off Switch. Their homes were
also filthy because Thomas W. Steward invented the Mop and Lloyd P. Ray
the Dust Pan.
10. Their children met them at the door-barefooted, shabby, motley
and unkempt. But what could one expect? Jan E. Matzelinger invented the Shoe
Lasting Machine, Walter Sammons invented the Comb, Sarah Boone invented the Ironing
Board and George T. Samon invented the Clothes Dryer.
11. Finally, they were resigned to at least have dinner amidst all
of this turmoil. But here again, the food had spoiled because another Black
Man, John Standard invented the refrigerator.
Now, isn't that something? What this country would be like without
the contributions of Black Americans? Black history includes more than just
slavery, Frederick Douglas, Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and Marcus Garvey
and W.E.B. Dubois.
Hands!
A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.
A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth about $33 million.
It depends whose hands it's in.
A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.
A baseball in Hank Aarons's hands was worth $19 million.
It depends on whose hands it's in.
A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Venus Williams' hands is a championship winning.
It depends whose hands it's in.
A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal.
A rod in Moses' hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends whose hands it's in.
A sling shot in my hands is a kid's toy
A sling shot in David's hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it's in.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God's hands will feed thousands.
It depends whose hands it's in.
Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse.
Nails in Jesus Christ's hands will
produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it's in.
As you see now it depends whose hands it's in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your
families and your relationships in God's hands because...
It depends whose hands it's in.
This message is now in your hands.
What will YOU do with it?
It Depends on WHO'S Hands it's in!!
Why Parents Drink
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick
one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
" Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy
there?"
" Yes ."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,
"Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the
earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching
for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... " ME ."
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing
his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in
the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he
asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. I'd
like to be six again, she replied, still looking in
the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made
her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her
to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide,
the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller
Coaster... everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her
a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and
her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home
with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He
leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly
asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her _expression suddenly
changed. I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass!
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it
wrong.
Spring clean-up is approaching and this is just a reminder, it might have been around the loop? But it is worth repeating to refresh our memory.
Ya'll be careful out there ! !
***********************************************
Brown Recluse Spider Bites
Send this around to people you love. People will be digging around, doing yard work, spring cleaning & sometimes in their attics.
Be careful where you put your hands, especially with spring cleanups--wearing gloves may be helpful.
The Brown Recluse spider is THE most dangerous spider in the USA .
This man was bitten by a Brown Recluse spider.
Day 3
The following illustrates the progression of a brown recluse spider bite. The affected skin actually dies on his body.
Day 5
Some of the pictures towards the end are pretty nasty, but take a look at the last one --
it is a picture of the spider itself.
Show this to people you love and care about. People will be digging around, doing yard work, spring cleaning & sometimes in their attics.
The Dangerous Brown Recluse Spider
Please be careful.
Spider bites are dangerous and can have permanent & highly negative consequences.
They like the darkness and tend to live in storage sheds or attics or other areas that might not be frequented by people or light. If you have a need to be in your attic, go up there and turn on a light and leave it on for about 30 minutes before you go in to do your work.
This idea just may work. Not the don't buy gas on certain day thing. NEW Idea. PLEASE Read on..... If we don't stick together we ALL will be paying $4.00 per gallon.....
GAS WAR - an idea that WILL work
This was originally sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. It ' s worth your consideration.
Join the resistance!!!! I hear we are going to hit close to $4.00 a gallon by next summer and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea.
This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.
BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.79 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the
marketplace..... not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.
Here's the idea:
For the rest of this year , DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL . If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.
But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out at this point .... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people.
I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us sends it to at least ten more (30 x 10 =3D 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 =3D 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE
>>>>HUNDRED MILLION >>>>PEOPLE!!!
Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all. (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am, so trust me on this one.)
How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!
I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?
Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.
THIS CAN REALLY WORK.
"I am a princess"
An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight
attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them
food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down
the aisle and Announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me
to announce that he'll be landing this big scary plane shortly, so
lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be
super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather
exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me
over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so
the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head
and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no
one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank
you. Tray-up, Bitch."
The Drug Problem in America
The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?''
I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young :
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood;
and , if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.
~author unknown~
SPAGHETTI
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write
"spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card toda
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was "too crowded."
"I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.
Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus
Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements.
As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump.
Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School."
For two years she had saved for this offering of love .
When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion
He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building. But the story does not end there...
A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents.
Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide.
Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250,000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends.
When you are in the city of Philadelphia , look up Temple Baptist Church , with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit Temple University , where thousands of students are educated.
Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time.
In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russell H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds".
This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS.
St. Theresa Prayer (cannot be deleted)
REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. This is a powerful novena.
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of reward. (This is true)
(Did you make a wish?)
If you don't make a wish, it won't come true. Last Chance to Make a Wish.
May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing and dance. It is there for each and every one of you
Black Robbers
For anyone who didn't see David Letterman's take on this: (And it's a true story)
On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of
quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner
with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she
wanted to stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and
we'll go to eat," she told her husband and carried the coin-laden
bucket to the elevator.
As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men
already aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall....very
tall...an intimidating figure. The woman froze.
Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next
thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice
gentlemen. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.
She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed.
She hoped they didn't read her mind but Gosh, they had to know what she was thinking!!!
Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now.
Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of
will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other
foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly
and faced the elevator doors as they closed.
A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased!
The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. My God, she thought, I'm trapped
and about to be robbed! Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.
Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her to do
what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her
arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her.
Take my money and spare me, she prayed.
More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely,"Ma'am, if you'll
just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button."
The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He
was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her
head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up.
Confused, she struggled to her feet.
"When I told my friend here to hit the floor," said the average sized one,
"I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor I didn't mean for
you to hit the floor, ma'am." He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious
he was having a hard time not laughing.
The woman thought: My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself. She was
humiliated to speak.. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her.
How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as t
hough they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say.
The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled
her bucket.
When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room.
She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make
it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her
room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator.
The woman brushed herself off.
She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.
The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses.
Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The
card said:
"Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."
It was signed;
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan
Christians - By Maya Angelou
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Share this with somebody who already has this understanding, as reinforcement. But more importantly, share this with those who do not have a clear understanding of what it means to be a Christian, so that the myth that Christians think they are "perfect" or "better than others"can be dispelled.
"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."
Nelson Mandela
Without God's Love for U and I,
The days of the week would have been :
Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday ,Fightday, Shatterday,& Sadday.
So we need to give God the Glory Who made the days a Blessing to US!
Have a strong conviction that it shall be well with you this year,
I am of the opinion that no matter how many obstacles u come across this year, you will succeed.
You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year.
God Bless You.
Radio Host Fired for Saying "Coon"
BY CHERYL WITTENAUER, AP
ST. LOUIS -- A St. Louis radio station quickly fired a talk show host for uttering a racial epithet as he talked about Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on his morning show Wednesday. Dave Lenihan apologized on the air immediately after making what he said was a slip of the tongue. KTRS president and general manager Tim Dorsey agreed the remark was accidental but said it was nonetheless "unacceptable, reprehensible and unforgivable."
Lenihan had been heaping praise on Rice, who has frequently said she aspires to run the NFL one day but has more recently ruled out seeking to replace retiring Commissioner Paul Tagliabue.
"She's been chancellor of Stanford," Lenihan said on the air. "She's got the patent resume of somebody that has serious skill. She loves football. She's African-American, which would kind of be a big coon. A big coon. Oh my God. I am totally, totally, totally, totally, totally sorry for that."
He said he had meant to say "coup" instead of the racial slur.
KTRS listeners soon began calling the station to complain. Twenty minutes after the utterance, Dorsey went on the air to apologize to Rice and KTRS listeners.
"There can be no excuse for what was said," Dorsey said. "Dave Lenihan has been let go. .... There is enough hate. We certainly are not going to fan those flames."
NAACP chapter president Harold Crumpton commended Dorsey for his swift action. Reached at home, Lenihan said he was still trying to figure out what happened and was drafting a letter of apology to Rice. He said he never uses the slur he uttered and thinks Rice is "a fantastic woman."
Lenihan, formerly a drive-time host at WGNU radio in St. Louis, had been at KTRS for less than two weeks.
"It was my dream job," he said. "Ratings were going well. It kind of stinks."
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