<<<previous page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 next>>> Home

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.   I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show  for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell  me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last  week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and  nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new  negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!  Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife


Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.  I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.  I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to  mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed  that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.  After all of  this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were  gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

This is the new Interstate Sign that will be put up at exits that have fuel available.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."
- Dr. Suess

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach.  The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play.  Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!"

The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play.  Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

Naughty Riddles

 Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
  A: A cherry float.
   ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
  A: 1 US leader
  ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
  A: Beat it - we're closed.
  ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
  A: To find a tight seal.
  ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
  A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
  ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
  A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
  A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
   ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
  A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
   ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
  A: Dill-dough.
   ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
  A: She's withholding evidence.
  ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
  A: You can sleep with a light on.
  ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
  A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: What's the definition of macho?
  A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
  ~~~~~~~~~~
  Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
  A: Their balls are just for decoration

FULL CIRCLE

10 reasons to go to work naked.

10.) No one ever steals your chair. 

9.) Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning. 

8.) Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk. 

7.) People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6.) You want to see if it's like the dream. 

5.) You could easily hold 2 cups of coffee and a "Dozen" doughnuts.
4.) "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants". 

3.) Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources. 

2.) Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 

And... drum roll... the Number One reason to go to work naked: 

1.) Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.

Mamma's Bible

 Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful
 doctors and lawyers and prospered.

 Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They
 discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who
 lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in
 the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you
know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met
 this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire
 bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to
 pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the
 parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

" Milton , the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room,
 but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries
 delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks"

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it
 could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my
 hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the
 gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to
 give a little thought to your gift.  The chicken was delicious.
 Thank you."

Wives Should Listen


The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady!

"You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me, the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house, I want a divorce!"

The husband replies, "Wait, Wait a minute!* Before you leave, at least listen to what happened"

"Hmm, I don't know, well, it'll be the last thing I will hear from you.  But make it fast, you unfaithful pig, you!"

The husband*begins to tell his story. "While driving*home this young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I*went ahead and allowed her  in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days.  With great compassion I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight; the poor little thing practically devoured them."

"Since she was very dirty I asked if she wanted to take a shower.  While she was showering, I noticed her*clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the*pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste."

"I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my*sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at*the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same*pair."

The husband continues his story "The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door.  When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me: "Sir, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

Simple Friends vs. REAL Friends

 
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps him/herself  (and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your Pepsi drawer' with her foot!)
A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears..

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you!

White Woman's Opinion of Black Women

I LOVE this.....I know you will too

White Woman's Opinion of Black Women, with a Brother's Response.

It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men. I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more) !!!

Please take a moment and read this. Pretty Deep! Thumbs up to this black man.

Enjoy.

Dear Jamie:

I'm sorry, but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers.

I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking,

educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's

attitudes about our relationship.

My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women

were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too

mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too

much excess baggage.

Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If

Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't

they look at themselves and make some changes.

I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in

public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so

appealing and coveted by them.

Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us Charles

Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams,

Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi

Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius , Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry

Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...

I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why

I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so

many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and

we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let

me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA THE RESPONSE

Dear Jamie:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.

Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated

from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta , Georgia with

a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a

major corporation and have recently purchased a house.

So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to

set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the

day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was

because they were considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood

were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost

their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to

wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without

too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.

Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because

they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of

insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by

the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be

more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and

own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many black men look for a more

docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous black

men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk

over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want

A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date

white women.

Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan,Morris

Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds ,

Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot

light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted

Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few.

I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop

thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess.

Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were

ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt , you were over in the caves

of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with

clubs. Read your history!

It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food.

It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children.

It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies

during slavery.

It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers,

husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail.

Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and

being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!

It is because of the black women's strength, elegance, power, love and

beauty that I could never date anyone except my black Queen. It is not

just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not

the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I

love them.

Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women.

Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their

ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their

highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have

fallen in love with black women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy And

envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do You

continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are So

proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin?
Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and Breasts with

unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and More

voluptuous?

I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have What

the black woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can Walk

over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am

looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and Mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands My

struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and;

unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.

Signed, Black Royalty

THE ONE THING CONSTANT IN THIS WORLD IS CHANGE!

It's difficult to let go of; a marriage, a child, a job, an addiction, a business, your home, the past or your dreams and goals. Letting go is sometimes necessary for growth, your sanity, peace of mind and health.

There's fine line between persistence and insistence. There's a fine line between having faith or being foolish. Letting go doesn't always mean you gave up. Sometimes life doesn't turn right --- it turns left and you must learn how to regroup or re-invent yourself, increase your faith and let go of old baggage. I can remember all too well how I used to try to hold on to people, the past and even projects and dreams. But I needed to let go. It didn't mean I gave up. I matured. I released. I grew to understand the wisdom of many teachers.

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

The hardest part of anything is the beginning, and the second hardest part is letting go when it's the end. - E. Fritz

HOW TO WORK IN ANY ENVIRONMENT
(By: T.D. Jakes)


1.  Don't expect to be appreciated. Your only expectation should be to get a paycheck.
Don't come to work to have personal relationships. Don't allow what you do to affect who you are.

2.  Do your job well, but remember your mission. God put you there to be a Light.

3.  Seek opportunities to change the atmosphere without commenting on the problems.  
You have a God to talk to.  You are on an assignment.Quietness and competence shall be your strength.

4.  Don't let your environment get inside of you.  You should influence it, not let it influence you.  
Stop going to work to be fed. You didn't come to receive, you came to give.

5. Increase your capacity to work with different personalities. God will often bless you through people you don't even like!

6. Remember, where you are does not define where you are going .This will deliver you from frustration. God has a plan for your life.  Keep your eye on the prize. When Peter did this, he was able to walk in what other people sank in!

7.  Get the optimum results with minimal confusion.Be effective without making the environment worse.

8.  Don't be associated with one group or clique.  Labels limit your usefulness.God wants you to work with everybody but be labeled by nobody. Use all your gifts.

9.  Always keep your song near you.  Keep a consecrated place in your soul. Hold on to your praise.

10.  Understand that God anoints you for trouble. Put on the whole armor of God before going to work.

Points from T.D. Jakes

An excerpt from the e- book "Something Great is About to Happen" by Jewel Diamond Taylor

Keep your eyes, ears, heart and mind open to infinite possibilities. Wherever your attention and mind goes --- your behind follows.

Nothing you have done has been a waste of time. Everything you have been through is a stepping stone to your next level.

Don't let boredom, depression, fear or procrastination steal your joy or success. You may think you should have achieved more by now in this stage of your life.

You may feel overwhelmed trying to; keep up, make things work, push things through and stay on top of things at home and at work. Stop --- breathe --- give yourself permission to let something go or simply say "no" to one more request of your time, money or your peace of mind.

First, the Lord made man...

   First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing.'"

After casting about for a suitable pearl,

He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,

Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,

And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,

Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,

And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,

And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

Then he added a mouth.

Ruined the whole damn thing.

Check this out it's too funny!!!

http://www.youtube.com/v/Ms6BtRYMtpw

<<<previous page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 next>>> Home